Marriage is between a man and a woman, Matthew 19:4-6, Genesis 2:24
Divorce is only allowed for unfaithfulness, Matthew 5:32, Matthew 19:9
Remarriage is only for the innocent party, Matthew 5:32, Matthew 19:9
“And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.’ Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him.
“And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.
“And Adam said:
‘This is now bone of my bones
And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man.’
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh,” Genesis 2:18-24.
What is marriage? In our day, the very word and meaning has been turned on it’s head; man has forgotten God, and has taken his institutions and used them for his own designs. But let us remember,
“There are many plans in a man's heart,
Nevertheless the Lord's counsel - that will stand,” Proverbs 19:21.
In looking back to the beginning, we may see the purpose and the wisdom of God’s creation of marriage.
Woman was not created as a separate creature, that is, apart from the man, but she was taken out of the man. The other creatures were created out of the ground, as Adam had been, but not so with the woman. God took his rib, and returned it to him as the woman. For Adam, she truly was the ‘flesh of my flesh’; for us, it isn’t as literal, but is nonetheless true. When a man and woman are joined, they are joined. The woman is truly as his own flesh, and the opposite is also true. Are we not guilty of the body and the blood of Christ if we take the Lord’s Supper in an unworthy manner, even though it is only bread and the fruit of the vine? Likewise, even though the man and wife are two separate persons, yet they are truly one flesh, joined until death separates them. This then is the heart of the argument Paul makes in 1 Corinthians 6:15-17, “Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a harlot? Certainly not! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For ‘the two,’ He says, ‘shall become one flesh.’ But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him.” The one who joins himself to a prostitute, this one is now one flesh with her, the one who gives her flesh over to immorality. But we are the bride of Christ, and thus are one body with Him, or rather, one spirit.
He created them as one to create the family unit, for the problem which the creation of the woman solved, was the problem of the man being alone. Now, God created the world in a wise fashion, by wisdom, Proverbs 3:19. When the man was alone, he did not create another man to be his companion, but he created the woman. And how much more abundantly was the problem solved, in the bringing forth of children. Man would spread out on the earth, each man to his make own way, each man with his wife at his side, and his children in tow. The children would then grow, and be joined to their mate, and leave their mother and father. Malachi 2:15 states,
“But did He not make them one,
Having a remnant of the Spirit?
And why one?
He seeks godly offspring.
Therefore take heed to your spirit,
And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth.”
He made us one, that we might bring up godly children, for how can this occur if they are not raised to be so? Children need to be raised, taught, and nurtured. True, many men come to the Lord later in life, but it is the intent of God for us to remain in him, have our marriage be based in him, and for us to raise children that fear him. If he did not make a man and his wife one, then how would this end occur? We have endless examples in the world of broken marriages, children born out of wedlock, endless single motherhood, and the havoc it wreaks on the children of such situations; even the world recognizes this. It was in wisdom that he made the man and his wife one; otherwise, there would be no family unit. And what does he say,
“Therefore you shall lay up these words of mine in your heart and in your soul, and bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall teach them to your children, speaking of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up,” Deuteronomy 11:18-20, and again,
“And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord,” Ephesians 6:4.
We are to raise godly children.
The man was given the rule of the family, and the woman to be under his rule; this would not work if there were two men. For man is given to make his way, and with two men, there would have to be one subservient. But this is not what God created the man to be. Neither will children be brought forth from two men, or two women; but rather, from one man and one woman. And what does He say?
“But did He not make them one,
Having a remnant of the Spirit?
And why one?
He seeks godly offspring”
He created marriage to create the family, with the end of having godly children. This is the extent of what marriage is, for God originated it, and set its bounds, and showed its purpose.
As for the man and wife, as one flesh, they are not to share their body with another, for, “The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does,” 1 Corinthians 7:4. As my wife is now as my own flesh, she no longer has the rule over her own body, for it is under my authority; the reverse is also true. I am not free to be joined with another, for God has joined her to me, and my body is now under her authority. “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge,” Hebrews 13:4. And we are not to refuse one another, 1 Corinthians 7:3,5; however, and by agreement only, they may set it aside for a season in order to devote themselves to prayer. By saying that it is by concession, he means that it is allowed, but not commanded. It is not necessary for a couple to do this, but they may if they wish. But it isn’t meant to be but for a time, as desire will become present, and it will be an avenue for temptation if they don’t come together again.
Now, we are joined to our wife by the Lord; we are not to separate.
Divorce
“The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?’
“And He answered and said to them, ‘Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning “made them male and female,” and said, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh”? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.’
“They said to Him, ‘Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?’
“He said to them, ‘Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery,’” Matthew 19:3-9.
From the beginning, divorce was not allowed. It was permitted under the law of Moses, and this only for the Israelite; the Gentile was never given permission to divorce. This doesn’t mean that they didn’t, I imagine they still did; but it wasn’t with God’s permission.
As God does the joining, it is only he who can do the severing. Death severs the bond always; and at the very first, this was the only means of severing allowed.
So what is allowed under Christ? “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery,” Matthew 19:9. There is only one reason for which divorce and subsequent remarriage is allowed, the unfaithfulness of one’s mate. There is no other reason. It is God who does the joining, and it is only he who can do the severing, and this is the only way short of death that he will sever the bond.
Whoever then divorces and remarries, for any reason other than being cheated on, is guilty of adultery. Now, adultery can only occur when one is married. Therefore, the bond has not been severed by God, but only by the state; when unfaithfulness has not occurred, the new marriage is not a new marriage, but an adulterous situation. The state recognizes it, but not God, hence, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her,” Mark 10:11. The new marriage is not a new marriage, but adultery against their original mate.
We also become guilty of causing our mate to commit adultery if we divorce them for any other reason, for, “I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery,” Matthew 5:32.
We also see in this is that the innocent party may remarry, but the guilty party may not. For “except for sexual immorality “ gives the exception for one who divorces for unfaithfulness. They may then remarry with God’s approval. The other side of the coin, the unfaithful party, may not remarry without guilt, for, “whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.” They may repent of their sin, and be right with God again, but they must remain single until a death occurs, either their ex’s, or their own.
Of Christ and the church
“’For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church,” Ephesians 5:31-33.
The becoming of one flesh with our mate is a type of the relationship between the church, it’s members, and the Lord. As the husband and wife literally become one before God, so the Christian is one with the Lord, “But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him,” 1 Corinthians 6:17. As the bond between man and wife is permanent, so the bond between the Christian and the Lord is permanent. In each case, it is only by adultery that the bond can be prematurely severed with God’s approval. For if we are not faithful to our Lord, both in doctrine and in conduct, we are adulterers. As he gave Israel a bill of divorcement, and sent her away, Jeremiah 3:8 & Isaiah 50:1, so we may also be divorced by him if we don’t remain faithful.
And what was the adultery of which Israel was guilty?
“Then those of you who escape will remember Me among the nations where they are carried captive, because I was crushed by their adulterous heart which has departed from Me, and by their eyes which play the harlot after their idols; they will loathe themselves for the evils which they committed in all their abominations,” Ezekiel 6:9-10.
And what does the Word say to us?
“Adulterers and adulteresses! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. Or do you think that the Scripture says in vain, ‘The Spirit who dwells in us yearns jealously’?, James 4:4-5.
We must remain faithful to our Lord, for continual rebellion can lead to Him giving us up.
1 Corinthians 7:10-15
If it becomes necessary that a woman must leave her husband, she may. But she is not free to be joined to another. She must either remain alone, or she can reconcile with her husband.
If we are joined to an unbeliever, and they, because of our belief, don’t wish to remain with us, we are not bound to remain with them no matter the cost. Remember, a husband and wife are not to divorce (however it is allowed for adultery). This passage here is addressing the situation were one partner becomes a Christian, and the other doesn’t. If the unbeliever still consents to remain with them, well and good. But if they don’t wish to be with them because they have become a Christian, and the believer has done all they could to keep the marriage together, then they bear no guilt if their mate divorces them. If the only thing that could have kept the marriage together was for the Christian to give up their belief, then being faithful to Christ takes precedent over remaining in the marriage; we are not in bondage to the marriage to the expense of giving up Christ.